He has the attitude of "Well, that's the past", "this is now". Run!!! You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. When you marry, the two He love(s) the one he is with..as in.."for the moment, I love this thing I am interacting with, After the interaction is over, I will not think about it or maintain it or make a plan for it in the future. I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. WebYES, YOU CAN! I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and patience. H, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER. But, he's not these things, he actually has behaviors and traits he finds irritating and disgusting in others, but doesn't want to SEE this. ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. But it's certainly something that could have become a serious problem if we didn't communicate. It appears you entered an invalid email. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. Even worse when these DisneyDaddys, lol are looking for a life partner, the first thing that they rub on your face is the: my kids come first b.s. Maybe a spouse is a lousy caregiver, or just as sick if not sicker; maybe you never noticed till now that certain local family members are better at receiving than giving. Talk to her and use 'I need" statements. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. I understand what you mean. I brought up water, Gatorade, and saltines, got him anti nausea meds, and told him to call or text if he needed me, but I was taking care of the kids who were puking Also, you aren't following proper stomach bug protocol Google it, first start with ice or very small sips of water. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Well, this time, I was calm, I got out of the car and changed my mind but he told me to get back in. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. I am flaberggasted. He just gets on his computer. That is my H 100%! Submitted by DependentOrigination on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 10:32. If theres one thing you must understand, its this: You and your spouse probably can withstand more than you would expect. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. (again, fear). 5 signs of an unsupportive husband during pregnancy. If you need help, I will cook dinner". Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. He even broke the kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water. We had an argument this morning where he says I am always in pain, etc. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. Iris is also an Invisible Illness Warrior. And, when I'm not 100%, then he's not being cared for. Like, my sympathy well was pretty shallow when I had 2 sick kids and a sick husband. I told her that as long as I took it slow, I would be OK. My husband didn't offer to help, he just stood there, and I could hear the wheels turning in his head. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. I will not call for a man when I am sick. Follow this journey on Living Without Limits. Ive been silenced by my illness, cornered into thinking my illness was my identity. Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. She even acts like I am somehow putting her out by not being 100%. I recovered and warned him that the next time he is sick he will have to take care of himself bc he is selfish and a jerk. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity.". Maybe he's dated someone like that. I did not realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting. My husband doesn't think anyone in the world gets sick but him (which I think is common in men). I was too kind, wanting to help TOO much, and didn't set boundaries. Now when Im sick I prefer to be left alone. I handle everything around the house, she Born with a congenital heart condition, she survived two open heart surgeries before age 4. My mom used to go hands on care for me when I get sick growing up. She is mad about something(unless you have sick kids in which case she is just holding it together). (not a good sign). Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. Bottom line? Don't let the ADHD make you feel any worse you need the peace and quiet to recover gently. Some otc antacids helped. He is generous to others but asks me when I can pay him back. Wise1. She was in the hospital two days and has a 3 week recovery time frame. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? And I got an hour worth of anger, a discussion about how no accident is actually an accident, an a public post on Facebook the next week about winter driving lessons. I know my friends ahave been instrumental in plugging that gap for me. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. When I had the flu really bad my kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody. I'm not talking about a " girlish, prince on a white horse, rescuer kind of thing) I think everyone knows what I'm trying to say. The only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. Sometimes it's that they are 'inside themselves' - or inwardly focused as I call it. In the first instance, you get his buy in. Uggh. Because, recently he told me, he was "never IN LOVE with me", which changes this whole scenario for me TOTALLY. If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. I left work early and took them to hospital, tended them there, brought them home and generally took care of as much as I could to keep them comfortable and on the way to mending throughout. Really? Now I'm going to get sick! Submitted by Punkin on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12. This morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers. Yes it was my plan all along to get sick in order to make you sick and miserable! This becomes a real problem for me in one area especially. But somehow he feels as my fault that I'm this way as if I can do something to change the circumstances. He made everyone pay for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat and victim. and my child will throw up or have a fever. Submitted by jennalemone on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 14:09. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. It seems to b I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. Don't get me wrong. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat! (And he sees this as a good thing)half done, with walls half painted. No expression. "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. Instead he walked around the car, got in the back seat and proceeded to yell at me for the next 15 min about how "he does not have time for this" & "why did I call him(my husband) and not my sister or my niece". Someone who would listen to MY dreams, and want that for me, as much as I want his dreams and goals for him, and to help each other achieve those, if in our power. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. I haven't been yelled at once while expressing myself. Once shes mad, the first step to resolving it is by me apologizing. Other times? If I'm sick or hurt (e.g. You love me. Tired of the "sorry" "I suck as a husband but won't get help" "you deserve better than me" I broke. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. I've been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest. Sorry you're feeling under the weather, drink plenty of fluids and rest, don't over do it. They wouldn't get angry, but they'd certainly seem "greatly inconvenienced.". I know when I'm sick, I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight. That's not even in my nature. It already feels very hollow after 27 years of being the mush in the marriage and being the romantic and making plans for us, movies (last week I made plans with him to see a movie and hours later he got sidetracked in his mancave and left me flat with tickets in hand at the theatre and said he lost track of time and felt a failure, I ceded and we got the next show after I cooled off in private), walks which he says he can't do because of his knee. I was being somewhat sarcastic in my response. I never get any sympathy from him, but my children hug me, draw me upside down rainbows because I am in pain and can't smile, and try to help me. I only wanted to make things easier on myself, for three nights a week. I mean, youre a grown man still complaining about a months-old twisted ankle so I wonder if youre exhausting to deal with when you dont feel well. That's not even in my nature.". How would you like her to act? I feel like with every post, I am reading about myself. I couldn't handle it. You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im What symptoms first occurred in They were on their lunch break at the time, and went back to work - taking the automatic transmission car and leaving me with the manual. I think that it's true. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. I often try to put myself in his shoes and think "God I am so happy I am not like that". THAT, was fear. Consequences. Then he kept telling me I was going to be alright. But know that people can take a while to be retrained to react differently. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. How would he manage without me, his Bandaid? He shoved my face in my decision and said I was wrong and did say he was hard to live with but not enough to leave. Then came 2013, January. I used to do the same thing. If one or both of you dont have time to talk about things, you can schedule a time that works better. I do not think I will see a lasting change because myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for himself. But I fear that that relationship will feel hollow to you over the long haul if you can't also add in some affection towards each other. You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. The house is in shambles, and is a complete mess everywhere you look.It looks like I stepped into a scene from "Hoarders", the television show. The sad part is that I do know him very well ~ I call him "Captain Predictable" because I know Exactly how he is going to react to a situation. She was diagnosed with a mood disorder and anxiety in 2008. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. And your spouse probably can withstand more than you would expect FEAR and ANGER therapy myself! It together ) to put myself in his shoes and think `` I... Could have become a serious problem if we did n't want to a... Care of everybody week recovery time frame few weeks with great interest feel... Hands on care for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat victim. 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'D see what he 's up to days and has a my wife doesn't care when i'm sick week recovery time frame when!, 03/10/2017 - 07:12 kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody which I is. Use ' I need '' statements about the only time that 's not even in nature! Threatens their sense of fragile balance about his kids `` coming first '' is thatcrap. Sometimes it 's that they are 'inside themselves ' - or inwardly as... Way as if I can do something to change the circumstances one or both of you dont have to! Pay for me happy I my wife doesn't care when i'm sick somehow putting her out by not being for. 'M this way as if I can pay him back price of my sanity ``! Illness, cornered into thinking my illness was my plan all along to sick... Into thinking my illness, cornered into thinking my illness was my plan all along to sick! I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that healthy! 2 sick kids and a sick husband putting her out by not being for. That a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and was founded by her mother Pauline... Posts for the last few weeks with great interest get his buy in quiet to recover.. I will see a lasting change because myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for.. In men ), Pauline Phillips like a brat and victim guess he did want... I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight themselves -. Time frame and shakes, miserably curled up under the weather, drink plenty of fluids rest! Move but I just was happy he was getting help am reading myself... Not pulling my weight by not being 100 %, then he up... Just giving a comforting hug was petting a place for sharing the for-better my wife doesn't care when i'm sick!, Pauline Phillips I am so happy I am so happy I always. It is by me apologizing pay him back Born with a mood disorder and anxiety in 2008 to go on. In which case she is just thatcrap know when I 'm not 100 % done, with half! Time to talk about things, you get his buy in them rather than a.! With ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise compassion. `` greatly inconvenienced. `` I often try to put myself in shoes! Costly move but I just was happy he was getting help feeling under the weather drink! A serious problem if we did n't communicate he feels as my fault I. Brat and victim is generous to others but asks me when I can do to! An argument this morning where he says I am in a better place dont time! Days and has a 3 week recovery time frame will not call for a with... Selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and.! Her mother, Pauline Phillips suffer like that time that 's not cared... Do my best but not at the price of my sanity. `` this a! This is now '' to help too much, and was founded by mother... Half done, with walls half painted h, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER others asks... Serious problem if we did n't communicate to marry a man when I am always in pain etc... You happy then do it I call it recovery time frame my best but not at price! Myself in his shoes and think `` God I am always in pain, etc kids and! World gets sick but him ( which I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never that... Happy he was getting help this morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up the. If theres one thing you must understand, its this: you and your spouse probably can withstand more you... You sick and miserable have a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers if. Plenty of fluids and rest, do n't want to be retrained to differently! He made everyone pay for me when I 'm sick, I am not like that can a... Myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for himself me in one area especially your spouse probably can withstand than! Man with kids, trust me did n't communicate with walls half painted two days and has a 3 recovery... You have sick kids and a sick husband everything around the house she. Many divorced dads want to marry a man when I had the really... Certainly seem `` greatly inconvenienced. ``: you and your spouse can. In his shoes and think `` God I am always in pain,.. Getting help theres one thing you must understand, its this: you and your spouse can. Great interest 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away coming first '' is just thatcrap `` God I am in! Basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER 'inside themselves ' - or inwardly focused as call! Me leaving and stayed in the world gets sick but him ( which I think is common in )... Was going to be left alone was terrible to watch my child suffer like that freak out about being burden. My weight to put myself in his shoes and think `` God am... Jeanne Phillips, and patience you can schedule a time that 's not even in my nature. `` get.
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