For press inquiries or to contact the author, click here. Sally was very special and made friends wherever she went. And the unsavory truth is that, as someone who has done Very Stupid Things while drinking, I also sympathized with Turner. Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. Big in Finland. Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. A human life is morally complex, filled with ambivalence and uncertainty, and accepting the quickly assembled dogma of social-media feeds lets us bypass messier realities that we ignore at our own peril. And though the area of expertise Id staked out as a writer was the complications of womens independence and the nuances of sex, and my own personal brand was blunt honesty, I could not bring myself to say word one about these episodes in public. Some of them just never spoke about it and silently worried. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. My friends and I at thealternative paper inAustin, Texas,sat around long communal tables at dive bars arguing about pop culture, trying to one-up one another with off-color jokes as we downed pint after pint. (Laughs.) Blackout - Sarah Hepola Drunk Mom - Jowita Bydlowska Smashed - Koren Zailckas Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety - Sasha Zimmerman Scoblic Parched: A Memoir - Heather King The Recovering: Intoxication and its Aftermath - Leslie Jamison Reply . Bestselling author Sarah Hepola hosts this journey through the wild and glamorous saga of a sideline spectacle that changed sports, fashion, entertainment, and countless childhoods of boys and girls like her. Into someone else's life. So this is my resolution as I trudge from this dark place: to speak out more. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. Its a bad situation, to be relying on alcohol for your acceptance, because then you start doing things that are unacceptable. Her writing has been published by the New York Times magazine, The New Republic, Elle, Glamour, The Guardian, Slate, and The Morning News, where she is a contributing writer. Im not going to die in that ditch today, I often said to a like-minded friend when we spoke about these scandals, which was daily, both of us getting in a lather because the topics were so rich. What was I, a rape apologist? Sarah Hepola tells me how in the 1990s while she was at the University of Texas it was important for her to "drink, dress, and fuck like a man". My parents were Yankee liberals, only one of many ways we didnt fit. But so many of these spectacles could be grouped under a more mundane heading. Taboo subjects have always been delectable, but suddenly we were living in a time when so much that was once considered fair game for discussion (education, biological differences, the benefits of policing) had become dangerous. I was so hungry for this luxurious taffy pull, where we all gathered together and tried to sort out something closer to the truth. But the world kept exploding, and I only retreated further into my hidey-hole. New York, Grand Central Publishing, 2015, 230 pp., 26.00. Last year marked a low point for me. Phone dates with writer friends in other parts of the country stretched to two and three hours as we worked out essays we would never write, toggling between outrage, despair, and armchair cultural analysis of the latest dustup. Copyright 2018 - 23 I took on freelance stories only to pull out when they too proved controversial. I know this: Im finally ready to have a conversation with the world. Not gonna die in that ditch today. Sarah Hepola is the Dallas-based author of the New York Times bestseller "Blackout" and a forthcoming memoir about being single called "Unattached." She also reported and hosted the Texas. But its not like theyre gonna turn around and say, Thank you! Sarah is survived by her husband, Russell Hepola; children, Paula (John) Hepola Anderson, Annette (John) Blume, Lynn (Delbert) Fickes & Keith Hepola; grandchildren, Joanna Anderson, Bryan (Mackenzie) Blume, Joshua (Kelsie) Blume, Maria (Cory) Grunewald, Hannah (Mikael) VahnDijk, Christopher Fickes, Angelene (John) Winges & Shane (Kristi) Fickes; I was so proud of this small, private act of civil disobedience that I brought it home to Texas to show it to the younger man like a prized pelt. Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. Sarah Hepola 's writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, New Republic, Glamour, Slate, Guardian, and Salon, where she was a longtime editor. But it was like that for me.". Sarah Hepolais the author of the bestselling memoir,Blackout. She and Don raised six children there. I think Im gonna find out the answer to that question over the next few months. I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. Possible humiliation, almost-certain ridicule, and excused overindulgence: Never one to flee from a challenge, our writer goes to her high-school reunion. When you are making policy, and when you are trying to make social change, it behooves you to speak in very clear terms, you know? Maybe thats why I held so fast to the younger man Id met on Tinder, of all places. A bigot? That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. Perhaps Ihadinternalized my own misogyny, whatever that means. I think the first instinct when you have this situation is to cut that person out of your life. Im 40 years old, and during all these years that Im getting wasted to the point of blackout, that Im falling down stairs, that Im having one night stands with guys, I cannot remember -- and Im not saying this never happened, but I cannot remember -- a friend, a person around me, or anyone saying, Were you too drunk to consent to this? I just dont remember that conversation ever happening. I surrounded myself with people who reminded me I was loved, no matter what the firing squads on Twitter said. Beber significaba ser libre, era parte de su derecho como mujer fuerte y progresista del s. XXI. Maybe Ill write something great this year. to John "Vernor" and Signe Porkkonen. You cant predict these things; its all guesswork. Arrangements were entrusted to Jones Pearson Funeral Home of Park Rapids. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN in 1962. Mini Biography. Going against the online outrage machine could be career suicide. And the writing community changed. And that sure proved to be the truth for March, who closed the book on ex-husband Bobby Flay for good two years ago but still. In the two years since, I have tried to drum up the courage to be someone different from the writer I had become. He could take the hits. We wanted the premium Scotch and the bragging rights of being an outsider. Gender, sex, morality. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, thenwhat are we doing here? To listen. If I had to pick, I think I'd honestly say I miss smoking more - although it is nice being able to go up a flight of stairs and not feel like I'm dying! Its been a very interesting time, because weve had a conversation about consent that I have never seen before in my lifetime. And so it came as an unwelcome surprise to watch the intolerance that my liberal friends once decried on the censorious right flood to our side of the street. One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for my writing, and maybe other things, if the salty text messages were true. One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for my writing, and maybe other things, if the salty text messages were true. But in my professional life, I wrote about apolitical subjects such as dating and travel, and on Instagram, I mostly posted about my cat and whatever seltzer I was currently enjoying. If only I could write this well. * Buzzfeed * a memoir of her alcoholism but also an empathetic dissection of addiction and American drinking culture, and the blurry lines between the two. woozy with rainbows." Sarah Hepola: When I first started thinking about writing a book, I went to Barnes & Noble in Union Square [in New York], and I went to the addiction section and read everything I could find.I found this book about women and drinking, and the upshot was that women hide their drinking and there are no social rituals about drinking for women the way there are for men. That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. My writer friends and I huddled backstage at panels in green rooms filled with chocolate-chip cookies and veggie platters, whispering about everything we couldnt say out there, in the scary beyond. And so alcohol became this way to drown those critical voices. Perhaps my thinking, steeped in the classic liberalism of 90s slacker culture,wasunevolved. Her stories have appeared in the NYT Magazine, the Guardian, Elle, Slate, Texas Monthly, and Salon, where she was a long-time editor. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. Sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling Blackout and whatever she writes next. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. This post is a remarkable essay by Sarah Hepola, which appeared recently online at Atlantic. Gender, sex, morality. She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys listening to the Xanadu soundtrack and puttering in her garden, when she remembers she has one. I toyed with the idea of writing about Brock Turner. From 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the best Ive ever had. Me too. There are uncomfortable dates, compromised friendships, and, most importantly, the inner critic that never shuts up. And this is not just a sex thing! But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. She eventually identified herself as Chanel Miller, but at the time of the statements publication, it was anonymous, and identified only the other key figure, a swimmer named Brock Turner, whose ubiquitous mug shot helped turn him into the poster child for every smug athlete, every entitled douchebag the world has ever known. "You might think it's stupid, but I still think it's art." I took on freelance stories only to pull out when they too proved controversial. by Sarah Hepola. Blackouts can be either partial or complete. Sally and Don had many good years together. I grew up reading Edgar Allan Poe (alcoholic, married his 13-year-old cousin), dancing to James Brown (domestic abuse, alleged rape), watching Woody Allen movies (is Woody Allen). Was the gender wage gap a myth? ), Backstage at the Texas Book Festival event, I chatted with Gladwell. And what I wish I could impart to someone is: If you can just get through that difficult first month, or two months, or whatever it turns out to be, I promise you, I swear to you, it is so much better on this side. Well, has the Internet read The Corrections?. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie,. And I knew blackouts so intimately that I literally wrote the book. Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. Some kind of moral monster? Thank you for asking me that. He worked in a factory, with his hands. She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Americas Girls and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast Smoke Em if You Got Em.. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN in 1962. One thing you discuss that fascinated me is the complicated subject of consent and alcohol. We see Hepola scan an AA room for a potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds by . I have a million things to say, but well talk about it after the event.. I simply could not gamble with my future. I had to learn a tolerance to sit in my own uncomfortable feelings -- and then you kind of start thinking, What kind of life do I want to build for myself?. I just thought this was how it was donewe said one thing in public, and backstage we said what we really thought. Sarah Hepola wiki ionformation include family relationships: spouse or partner (wife or husband); siblings; childen/kids; parents life. I had friends where it was like -- Im giving her my confessions every weekend and shes trying to play nursemaid and priest and mother and all these things and she finally had to say, I cant do this anymore. And then I had the friend who took a social step back, and basically stopped inviting me. One of the great mistakes of our moment is being deemed on the wrong side of history. But has anyone read ahead in the book so they know how future generations will see this stuff? Hepola A lonely, attention-starved child, Hepola started stealing sips of her parents' beer at age seven. I still wanted it both ways: the respect and admiration of strangers without the hard work of earning that respect. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. His books include: The Making of an American High School (Yale, 1988); How to Succeed in School Without Really Learning: The Credentials Race in American Education (Yale, 1997); The Trouble with Ed Schools (Yale University Press, 2004); Someone Has to Fail: The Zero-Sum Game of Public Schooling (Harvard, 2010); and A Perfect Mess: The Unlikely Ascendancy of American Higher Education (Chicago, 2017).View all posts by David Labaree, Your email address will not be published. Let's start with the most recent piece: Texas writer Sarah Hepola's Atlantic article, a rambling, illogical screed that was full of fallacious arguments. He had a book coming out,Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. Hepola conveys both the horror in the mysteries left after a night smudged dark by drinking, and the draw of overdrinking that kept her carving out her memory with alcohol. Nobody wants the bad guys to get away with it. Speaking Topics But in silencing our own moral compass and strongly held beliefs, were hanging ourselves out to dry, rendering our wisdom and insight useless. One of the great mistakes of our moment is being deemed on the wrong side of history. But has anyone read ahead in the book so they know how future generations will see this stuff? First scientifically described in 1946 by E.M. Jelliinek, an alcohol-induced blackout is an amnestic event during a drinking episode without loss of consciousness. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). She went to St. All Content 2023 Sarah Hepola. Were missing the chance to learn. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. I understood such moral panics to be the product of generational hand-wringing and the religious right, which was then gaining ground. And by the way, feminism never did this to me, the body acceptance movement never did this to me -- this was simply what I did, probably because I didnt want to do the hard work of change. A story about sex workers during the pandemic written by a nonsex worker who didnt even frequent strip clubs? Ask the Puritans. I suspect I will lose followers (I dont have that many), but perhaps I will gain self-respect, which Ive been sorely lacking lately. Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. Five years ago this month, Sarah Hepola awoke to a scene that looked like just any other Sunday morning. The next day, your brain will have no imprint of [your] activities, almost as if they didn't happen." During the resistance movement of 2016, a friends book about feminism got dropped in part because her feminism wasnt the right kind for the Trump era. . They targeted lyrics by Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauperin short, every artist I lovedand their public blacklist even turned me into a fan of the questionable heavy-metal band W.A.S.P., whose name was thought to be an acronym for We Are Sexual Perverts. (I had no idea!). I have that line in the book: Activism may defy nuance, but sex demands it." Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. So I was relieved that someone of Gladwells stature had broached the topic. We spoke about her newly released first book Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, which is about a lifetime of drinking and the initial years of recovery. Perhaps you've seen her work on Salon. Maybe Ill write something great this year. But my cohort and I had grown up wanting it both ways: a safe career, and an artistic one. ( 2,291 ) $10.99. For me, in terms of consent, there are these very clear lines. Once-celebrated writers were being publicly rebranded as ghoulish, pieces of trash, red-pilled. "Sobriety sucked the biggest donkey dong in the world," she tells us, and she backs that up. But I thought thats what writers do.. I remember the poetic allusion of the title that was lost on . Which is one of the fundamental problems that alcoholics have to face: some people can keep alcohol in their life because theyre able to moderate it, but I could not. That shook me. He had a book coming out, Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. . Prickly issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law. As a journalist, you can create a free Muck Rack account to customize your profile, list your contact preferences, and upload a portfolio of your best work. ", When she was having a blackout, Hepola explains, she could appear to be interacting with the world consciously -- but afterward, she would have no memory of what had happened. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. One of the common arguments made, at least about #MeToo scandals, is that the men (and women) behaving badly rarely face legal punishment. At my core, I was a people pleaser, and the culture had reached a moment when any opinion worthy of expression ran the risk of losing half your audience. ), I sympathized deeply with Miller. The #MeToo movement, which felt like a necessary corrective when it began, was starting to feel like an arrow pointed at our own agency. You can call it justice. What he said was slow, and careful, and Ive never forgotten it. Maybe Ill meet the love of my life, and maybe come April, Ill be picking up groceries for the good people of North Texas who need those seven items, pronto. Sarah Hepola is a journalist and editor who lives in Texas. On a very petty level, it was poorly written and felt barely edited. Is this you? I'm posting this for two compelling reasons. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. There was so much that was on the other side of sobriety that was so much better. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. The reasons were simple, at least for me. Admin. ), I sympathized deeply with Miller. Sallys mom taught her to play the piano, and Sally accompanied many vocal groups over the years, from high school through her adult years when she accompanied the singing group The Harmonettes (renamed 'The New Jubilee Singers'). She is currently working on a memoir for The Dial Press/Random House about her ambivalent . And a lot of us are trapped in that sorry place. I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. We will miss her deeply. During the resistance movement of 2016, a friends book about feminism got dropped in part because her feminism wasnt the right kind for the Trump era. When Don retired, they split their time between summers at the cabin on Duck Lake, MN and winters at their home in Mesa, AZ. Its projection. Id choose a lot of gnarly punishments before Id choose to lose the status and career Ive built over more than two decades. Sometimes, when money was tight, I ate this big jar of peanut butter . I was screwed. 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